Logs or Love: What lens are you looking through?

September 17, 2025

I think I probably talk about the following a lot, but I believe this is still true and ever more relevant. The stories we tell ourselves are increasingly divided, continue to alienate, and frequently provide more heat than light. So here are some thoughts on reducing the heat.

The principal (aka dean) of my theological college (aka seminary) has been a remarkable leader in the church, Christina Baxter. She has been a great mentor to me and I am deeply grateful to her for her wisdom, prayerfulness, knowledge and straightforwardness. She has taught me to be a better woman, more trusting child of God, and more faithful minister of the gospel.


While in parish, I was able to welcome her to Texas and have her speak for a Lent quiet day. I still remember her discussion of when she was a young tutor and had a student with some rather obvious-to-all character defects. Her response was to pray both about how to address the issue with said student, as well as to pray for herself for clarity and awareness of where she was guilty of the very same defects.


Jesus said something similar:


"Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye."

(Matthew 7:3-5)


Attend to the log in your own eye.

In my experience, denial is so much easier! I have yet to leave behind a FB disagreement and not wonder what the point was. What was I trying to prove? Why did I butt in on a conversation or thought which, even if egregiously wrong, rarely benefits from being proven so. Especially in the “public” of the online environment.


In the moment, it is so much easier to point out the other’s wrong. Quite frankly, it’s far more obvious to me how other people are wrong than where I am. I can spot a character defect in someone else from a mile away, but my own? That requires more prayer, time and space than I have been historically willing to give. [Glad to say I’ve made some progress on that one though!]


Take time. Pray.

If I’m utterly convinced in the moment of how clean and pure and innocent I am (or are those who represent my views) and how wrong the other person/people are, I can guarantee that I’m not living in reality. Because even when the balance of wrong tilts away from me, I am learning to accept it doesn’t matter. Their wrong is their wrong. And it doesn’t excuse mine. Whether that is to be found in something obvious and visible to others, or my own subtler defects like believing I can change others simply by ‘being nice,’ pretending I agree when I don’t or not admitting I have stoked the fire of the other person’s point of view by stereotyping, dismissing or dehumanising them. If I don't take the time to pray, consider my part and deal with the shame and discomfort of coming face-to-face with my wrong, I am compounding it and choosing wilfull ignorance.


Just because another’s arrogance is overt, doesn’t mean mine is not covert, hiding in the shadows but claiming a pseudo-love. If I take time to pray, I give God space to show me what I don't want to see, accept it and turn it over. And be that little bit more free not to do the same next time.


And then you will see clearly (v.5)

But what I’ve also come to learn is this. Attending to the log in my own eye, seeing where I’m responsible. Where I’m guilty. Where I’ve contributed to the chaos around me. All of that does not mean I don’t say something at some point. It doesn’t mean I don’t say what is true. It doesn’t mean I check out from doing the good I can, where I can, whenever I can [to badly quote a well-known saying].


But by sitting first and praying first, I find some humility and common ground. I reach a place of understanding and empathy. I may still disagree, but I disagree from the place of loving the other person because I know I’m no different from them and they are no different from me.


They make different choices and their choices might cause me frustration or grief, but I love from a place of acceptance rather than denial and difference.


***

P.S. It doesn't all depend on you

One of the biggest lies in the world around us is the lie of urgency. We must act now! We need to say something. We need to be the ones to challenge or confront. We need to make the changes needed to bring God's kingdom in. But I genuinely believe this is not just a lie, but a lie with which the Enemey has won over too many believers. It is tyranny to rush. It is tyranny to carry that level of burden and responsibility. It feeds into an existence where we race ahead, not realising who we run over in the process. It results in people who run around trying to change the world, demanding changes of others but never realising where they themselves need a renovation, which is the only work we have any real power to do (and even then only in-step with the grace of God).


How do I know this? Because this has been me. I have rushed. Raced. Run people over (metaphorically). I have judged, condemned and dismissed. All in the name of Christ, which is to take his name in vain and it is wrong. [There's a lot I could say about how we confuse what it means to take God's name in vain, but that's for another day.]


Deal with your side of the street. Get honest. Get humble while you can. Turn it over. Then you will be increasingly better in loving as truthfully, faithfully and compassionately as you can.


*****

 

 

By Suse McBay March 17, 2026
Are you 100% sure about that? Last December, Stephen and I headed for Prague for a few days. We were looking forward to Christmas markets, mulled wine, and shopping. Because we had booked a really early flight, we decided to stay in an airport hotel the night before. We hadn’t banked on one thing though: how to get from the bus station at Heathrow to the hotel. We could see our destination towering ahead of us as we exited the coach, but there was no reliable way to get there on foot. Much like Houston, navigating the surface roads of Heathrow is much easier for those in a car. So, we asked for directions from one of the airport staff. She pointed us over to two elevators, sat right next to each other. One had a line of at least twenty people. The other one had none. Those at the front of the queue hadn’t even pressed the button. That seemed strange and indicated that perhaps the people in line didn’t know what they were doing—or weren’t used to London airports. But why was one line so long and the other non-existent? The signs above weren’t exactly clear, but here were two lifts side-by-side, surely they went to the same place? Towards the back of the line was a middle-aged man, surrounded by luggage and family, who realised what we were trying to puzzle out. “Nah, you can’t use it. The other lift doesn’t go down. Doesn’t go to the same place,” he told us. We looked at him quizzically. “Are you sure?” we asked. “ One hundred percent , mate. One hundred percent.” The certainty with which he declared his answer was persuasive. He crowed like he was the CEO of the airport. That lift would not go where the other one was going. He repeated himself again. 100%. Only, he was wrong. We risked looking like fools. We walked to the vacant elevator, hit the button, and—lo and behold!—an elevator appeared that went to the exact same location as the other. The middle-aged man surrounded by luggage was 100%... in the wrong. Utterly and completely. *** Words, words, words, but no wisdom I don’t personally know the man who so-confidently revealed his wrongness. I’ve no idea whether his bluster was out of character from his usual self. But in the moment of our encounter, he acted every bit the ‘fool’ we find in Book of Proverbs: "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing personal opinion." (Proverbs 18:2) There is much wisdom in Proverbs 17:28: Even fools who keep silent are considered wise; when they close their lips, they are deemed intelligent. It seems to me that we live in a world saturated with words, whether written or spoken. There’s an ever-growing number of websites, social media platforms, podcasts, and so on. Even more so now with AI. Yet for all this verbal abundance, there does not seem to be any more wisdom than there used to be. I would argue with AI, there seems to be less (or perhaps it’s simply exposing our foolishness). Part of me wonders about the virtue of writing a blog, when these are so often half-thoughts, explorations, and ideas: am I just adding to the plethora of opinions that exist on the blogosphere? Last year, I was teaching on how to plan and lead funerals with our final year ordinands. I spoke with confidence about what works and what doesn’t. What the role of the cleric is, how to work with the grieving family, how to craft the sermon, what to do afterwards etc. It felt good to be able to give real, lived experience having worked in a church for a decade. But it was only during the Q&A when I realized something. I realized my confidence was borne of a very specific context: I ministered in a large, Episcopal church in Houston, Texas. Not a small parish church, somewhere remote in England. Did the wisdom and experience I bring still have value in the Church of England, where the Church is an established one? Where those who minister do among many people who don’t dare to cross the threshold of a religious building except in such moments of life and death? Now I happen to think it does; but only with some qualification. For what I realized in that moment is that it’s not quite as readily transferable as I’d assumed. Church cultures are different. Expectations are different. How people respond and react to their local vicar is different! What works in one scenario doesn’t necessarily work in another. Consider Proverbs 26:4-5: 4 Do not answer fools according to their folly, or you will be a fool yourself. 5 Answer fools according to their folly, or they will be wise in their own eyes. Proverbs 26 has a seeming contradiction that speaks to the importance of context. In the situation where you’re faced with someone spouting foolishness, what should you do? Speak or not speak? Engage or not engage? The modern equivalent to v.4 might be to say to yourself “not my monkeys, not my circus” and walk away. But what about the times when it is your circus? When they are your monkeys? What about when to walk away is to leave someone blind to their mistakes and doomed to make more? What if responding might feasibly help someone see beyond their own blinkers and make a different choice? Sometimes v.4 might be the path of wisdom. Other times it’s v.5. But it’s not always apparent which is which. Overconfidence is not just dangerous for making us look like fools or giving bad advice. If we stay in our certitude, we miss the heart of the issue revealed in these two verses: we need wisdom. So where do we find it? *** Does ‘wisdom come with age’? I’ve heard it said that ‘wisdom comes with age’. Ironically enough, this line was used when I was in something of a disagreement with someone much older than me. But claiming moral high ground or superior understanding on the basis of some unalterable characteristic that you have but I don’t, is more indicative of pride than wisdom. If age does come with wisdom, there would be no conflict or disagreement within the human species as we age. If age is the sole arbiter, we should collectively do better as the wrinkles and grey hairs multiply. Yet that’s not what happens. Wisdom, sadly, is not inevitable. It can come with age because of one very simple reality: the more time you’ve had on the planet means you’ve had more opportunity to become wise. Now whether or not you’ve taken those opportunities is quite a different thing! *** Wisdom: a gift that needs seeking Proverbs has an interestingly balanced view of wisdom. It is (1) something that requires active seeking, yet also (2) something which only God can give. Proverbs 2:1-4 talks about the need to exert effort in acquisition of wisdom. It’s not something that just lands on our laps: it asks you to be open to learning and sitting with what you receive (v.1), deliberate and intentional in putting your body in a space to grow in it (v.2), and vocal in your search for it (v.3). In other words: humble, open, and hungry. This passage concludes by likening it to searching for silver or hidden treasure (v.4). Think about that for a moment: do you search for wisdom in the same way you seek out growth in income or asset? From a human wisdom point of view, seeking financial gain for our security and future as we age (and our children grow and go off to college etc) makes good sense. But what if we were to seek wisdom with the very same fervour? What if wisdom had the same significance for our spiritual security and future? What if it is important to our growth in the Christian life and readiness for what may come our way? It’s a gift that needs seeking. But Proverbs tells us it is also a gift that is given. Verse 6 reveals “ the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding .” Our seeking is not the whole picture. Longing for wisdom does not mean we get it. Wisdom is God’s domain not ours. Proverbs 8 illustrates that God’s Wisdom is not something to acquire or harvest. It is not a commodity to be doled out. It is not a consumer good. Wisdom was present when God made the world. Wisdom is a part of God’s self that chooses when to be imparted and when not to be (compare 1:28; 8:17; 9:5, 16) The very fabric of our material world is infused with the mystery of Wisdom. Insight and understanding comes from God and helps us to navigate the complexity of our lives, but this gift is just a glimpse of a much greater reality of the divine Wisdom which exists eternally. This, perhaps, brings us back to where I started. True wisdom is never found in loud proclamations of “one hundred percent!”. Why? Because the one who is wise recognises they have a lot to learn. They know that new information can shift and reframe yesterday’s certainty. Maybe the first step is to stop claiming absolute certainty—to stop the all-or-nothing thinking. Maybe we start with recognising what Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 13: we only see in part, know in part, understand in part. And from there, we begin actively seeking that gift which only God—from His Wisdom—can give. Wisdom has built her house, she has hewn her seven pillars. 2 She has slaughtered her animals, she has mixed her wine, she has also set her table. 3 She has sent out her servant-girls, she calls from the highest places in the town, 4 "You that are simple, turn in here!" To those without sense she says, 5 "Come, eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed. 6 Lay aside immaturity, and live, and walk in the way of insight." Proverbs 9:1-6 ****** Photo © Copyright Derek Harper and licensed for reuse under a cc-by-sa/2.0 Creative Commons Licence.
By Suse McBay February 13, 2026
What do we do on days when God seems entirely absent? Some thoughts about where I see that in my life today and, looking back, recognising how much has changed.

Join us in Oxford in 2025!

Subscribe to

My Newsletter

Sign up here to receive quarterly updates (and occasional other news blasts) about how ministry is going and our move to the U.K.