Logs or Love: What lens are you looking through?
I think I probably talk about the following a lot, but I believe this is still true and ever more relevant. The stories we tell ourselves are increasingly divided, continue to alienate, and frequently provide more heat than light. So here are some thoughts on reducing the heat.
The principal (aka dean) of my theological college (aka seminary) has been a remarkable leader in the church, Christina Baxter. She has been a great mentor to me and I am deeply grateful to her for her wisdom, prayerfulness, knowledge and straightforwardness. She has taught me to be a better woman, more trusting child of God, and more faithful minister of the gospel.
While in parish, I was able to welcome her to Texas and have her speak for a Lent quiet day. I still remember her discussion of when she was a young tutor and had a student with some rather obvious-to-all character defects. Her response was to pray both about how to address the issue with said student, as well as to pray for herself for clarity and awareness of where she was guilty of the very same defects.
Jesus said something similar:
"Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye."
(Matthew 7:3-5)
Attend to the log in your own eye.
In my experience, denial is so much easier! I have yet to leave behind a FB disagreement and not wonder what the point was. What was I trying to prove? Why did I butt in on a conversation or thought which, even if egregiously wrong, rarely benefits from being proven so. Especially in the “public” of the online environment.
In the moment, it is so much easier to point out the other’s wrong. Quite frankly, it’s far more obvious to me how other people are wrong than where I am. I can spot a character defect in someone else from a mile away, but my own? That requires more prayer, time and space than I have been historically willing to give. [Glad to say I’ve made some progress on that one though!]
Take time. Pray.
If I’m utterly convinced in the moment of how clean and pure and innocent I am (or are those who represent my views) and how wrong the other person/people are, I can guarantee that I’m not living in reality. Because even when the balance of wrong tilts away from me, I am learning to accept it doesn’t matter. Their wrong is their wrong. And it doesn’t excuse mine. Whether that is to be found in something obvious and visible to others, or my own subtler defects like believing I can change others simply by ‘being nice,’ pretending I agree when I don’t or not admitting I have stoked the fire of the other person’s point of view by stereotyping, dismissing or dehumanising them. If I don't take the time to pray, consider my part and deal with the shame and discomfort of coming face-to-face with my wrong, I am compounding it and choosing wilfull ignorance.
Just because another’s arrogance is overt, doesn’t mean mine is not covert, hiding in the shadows but claiming a pseudo-love. If I take time to pray, I give God space to show me what I don't want to see, accept it and turn it over. And be that little bit more free not to do the same next time.
And then you will see clearly (v.5)
But what I’ve also come to learn is this. Attending to the log in my own eye, seeing where I’m responsible. Where I’m guilty. Where I’ve contributed to the chaos around me. All of that does not mean I don’t say something at some point. It doesn’t mean I don’t say what is true. It doesn’t mean I check out from doing the good I can, where I can, whenever I can [to badly quote a well-known saying].
But by sitting first and praying first, I find some humility and common ground. I reach a place of understanding and empathy. I may still disagree, but I disagree from the place of loving the other person because I know I’m no different from them and they are no different from me.
They make different choices and their choices might cause me frustration or grief, but I love from a place of acceptance rather than denial and difference.
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P.S. It doesn't all depend on you
One of the biggest lies in the world around us is the lie of urgency. We must act now! We need to say something. We need to be the ones to challenge or confront. We need to make the changes needed to bring God's kingdom in. But I genuinely believe this is not just a lie, but a lie with which the Enemey has won over too many believers. It is tyranny to rush. It is tyranny to carry that level of burden and responsibility. It feeds into an existence where we race ahead, not realising who we run over in the process. It results in people who run around trying to change the world, demanding changes of others but never realising where they themselves need a renovation, which is the only work we have any real power to do (and even then only in-step with the grace of God).
How do I know this? Because this has been me. I have rushed. Raced. Run people over (metaphorically). I have judged, condemned and dismissed. All in the name of Christ, which is to take his name in vain and it is wrong. [There's a lot I could say about how we confuse what it means to take God's name in vain, but that's for another day.]
Deal with your side of the street. Get honest. Get humble while you can. Turn it over. Then you will be increasingly better in loving as truthfully, faithfully and compassionately as you can.
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