Update: 30 Days and Counting
It's 30 days till lift off!
On December 7th Stephen will fly from IAH to Heathrow. He's flying direct while I'm taking the scenic route via Paris on the 6th with the dogs (long story but it's a LOT cheaper than flying dogs direct into London).
So on December 8th, God-willing, we'll all be together in Oxford in our new home (more on that later...). In the meantime, it's a whole lotta chaos. Because everything is changing. The photo above is of our car port filled with boxes of books (167 gallons!) and other possessions. The rest of our house looks pretty similar. It's boxed up and ready to go.
Everything is changing...
It's a lot to make an international move (let alone a domestic one). I am incredibly grateful for the time we've had to be able to work this one step at a time and not rush, but even so it's a lot. There's the normal stuff of moving anywhere. And then there's figuring out Stephen's visa, dog health certificates, transferring money, setting up new phones, selling/buying cars, renewing my UK driver's licence (surprisingly challenging!), finding a pet-friendly place to live, taxi transport from Paris to Oxford, getting the inventory and paperwork together to ship our possessions without import tax and deciding what to keep and what to ship. Is it worth taking bedsheets? Will they fit UK beds? [Answer: some] Is it worth taking our kitchen appliances? Will they even work? [Answer: mostly no].
Some things we anticipated being tricky, others have snuck up on us and been a total surprise. In the first few weeks of us getting serious about packing, it was relentlessly frustrating. To-do lists seemed to grow more than they shortened when I discovered nothing was as straight forward as it first appeared.
It's been an excellent challenge of my desire to control my environment. The growth for me is that I've been aware enough to see that in the frustration, I've had days where it's actually been me that's made it worse. How have I done that? In my resistance to accepting things as they are. I want things to be predictable and go as planned. We can indeed prolong our own suffering by refusing to accept what's painful.
It's like going from living on land to becoming a seafarer. I want the security of land! I want solid ground beneath my feet. Waves that crash against the boat, that demand attention I have to adjust my plans and change course? No, thanks!
...But some things remain the same (a confession)
What remains the same in all of this? Well, God does. And in some senses, I do too. I remain the same in that each day I am presented with that desire to control. To be captain of my own ship. To fight life on life's terms. One task that I took up in the McBay division of duties, was finding us a pet-friendly place to live. Given the time change between here and the UK, I needed to be up and ready to make calls between 8am and 10am to UK real estate agencies. I needed to find out what our options are and follow up on new properties that showed up online.
I made the calls. I searched the internet. I researched. Good and necessary components of working on finding us a place to live.
But then. With all the other change in our lives right now, this task became a little too all-consuming. The first thing I normally do in the morning is get a coffee and begin my prayer-time. But that started getting upended by my reaching for my phone to see if any agents had emailed overnight. I got a little fixated. It was something I started thinking I could control in the middle of everything I could not.
Stephen and I talked it out, he pointed out where I was going a little off the rails. We agreed he'd take over the phone calls. Time to let it go and hand it over.
Then, the very next day, I get an email from Wycliffe. A Christian couple have contacted them wanting to rent their place to Christians and wanting to do it via Wycliffe. As soon as I saw the email, I had an entirely unexpected rush of peace. This is it. I'd actually seen the place online but discounted for various reasons. I showed it to Stephen. We emailed back. Yes, we're in. When they emailed the next day with an offer, I teared up.
Why? Because yes, everything is changing. And yes, my desires awake the same each day wanting to live according to the Suse show where I write the script, act and direct the whole thing. But that's not all. God also remains the same. Where God calls, He will provide. He will give us what we need, when we need it. And He's given us everything we need to do what He's calling us to do today. He's there, ready and waiting for me to learn a better way to live.
The balance is challenging, because there is effort to put in and work involved in following God and being faithful. And that can easily creep into trying to do God's will our way. But it's about progress, not perfection. Growth, one day at a time.
One Last Thing
When I was a teenager the "Not my will but yours" that Jesus' uttered in Gethsemane and the call to "Take up your cross and follow me" became an internalised message that God's will is self-punishing. That I have to push myself. That I have to forgo my needs (including 8am being for prayer and not for calls to the UK). That somehow it glorifies God when I neglect to take care of myself.
But that's not what it means and it does nothing to glorify God.
I have learned that the whole idea that God's will means I have to beat myself up says more about me than it says about God. God's will gives me permission to be human. It gives me permission to have needs, to go slow, to take it one day at a time. Yes, there's sacrifice, yes, courage and faith are involved, yes sometimes I have a different view of what constitutes a need than God's(!), but God's will is fully aware that I am human. It is as I follow that He provides. I can trust Him. I can trust Him even if the waves are crashing against the boat, even if my to-do list is growing more than it's shrinking. It's okay to stop. It's okay to take a breather. I'm not the captain of the ship, He is. Everything else may change, but He remains the same. And He is merciful and good. SO good!
