The Measure of Grace: A Reflection
My morning readings include one or two from the desert fathers, Becoming Fire (Ed. by Tim Vivian, 2008, Liturgical Press). This morning's reading told the following story:
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There once was an old man who, every day, would eat just 3 biscuits for dinner in the evening. One day a brother came to see him and stayed till late, so the old man set out 3 biscuits for the brother. After the meal was finished, the old man saw the brother was still hungry and so he gave him 3 more biscuits, which the brother ate. At this the old man rebuked the brother for his induglence of the flesh. The brother's response was to repent and then he went on his way.
The next night, the old man sat down to eat his customary 3 biscuits. After he had finished them he found himself hungry for more and unsatisfied with just the 3, but able to resist. The next night was the same: he longed for more biscuits but held out. However as the days went by, resisting became harder and harder. Eventually he cried out for help, fearing that God had abandoned him. In his praying, he asked why this might have happened. An angel appeared and said "'This has happened to you because you condemned the brother. Know, therefore, that when someone is able to exercise self-control or do any other good thing, he is able to do it not on his own power but because it is the grace of God that empowers each person'." [p.316]
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It is scary how easy it is to judge. To look at another's words, actions or attitude and mask judgement in fake gratitude that I'm not like them. I don't do what they do. I know better. I've learned my lesson. Why haven't they learned theirs?
If it's easy to judge, it's perhaps even easier to feel glad [read: self-righteous] when someone who we judge gets their comeuppance. When the truth is exposed about a person and their wrong against us is vindicated. When, where it had seemed like "evildoers" who were getting ahead and living shiny, happy lives, the sheen on their lives starts to disappear and things go awry.
Have you ever said, with due sarcasm, "It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy/gal?" Then you know what I mean.
Another phrase us religiously-minded folk like to use is "but for the grace of God go I." Yet when I hear it, its usually used far too trivially, almost as a cursory way of acknowledging someone in poverty could have easily been the person speaking and vice versa. As if God's grace is like the casting of lots at birth and we each get something different, but it is what it is.
But to apply it to this morning's reading opens up a deeper and more accurate understanding of grace:
- If it weren't for the work of the grace of God in my life, I too would struggle to exercise self-control over what I eat
- If it wasn't for God changing my heart, you wouldn't be the only one unable to forgive those who wronged you
- If God hadn't shown me my powerlessness to fix myself, I also could not stay away from old habits that die hard
God is not a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" God. Not even once we have encountered his grace. Yes, there are moments of painful learning, seeing our mistakes, having life teach us hard truths etc. But the power and resolve to make changes, go deeper and walk more faithfully comes from God's Spirit at work in us. Recognising our lack, asking for his help, receiving the miracle of change. Grace, pure and unadulterated grace. "It [really] is the grace of God that empowers."
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Cover photo by
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