The Tenderness of God

July 28, 2023

A little exploration of God's tenderness in different parts of Scripture.

In one prayer time recently, I felt the nudge to revisit some passages that speak of God’s tenderness – a virtue so at odds with the world. Virtues like this often get a bad rap as though if we take them on we’ll inevitably leave ourselves open to abuse or bullying or becoming the proverbial doormat.


But in terms of God’s self, when we come to Him in our brokenness, facing the sins we’re struggling to shake or the wounded parts of ourselves that seem resistant to the gospel, it is precisely this virtue (and others like it: gentleness, meekness etc) that invite us to break out of our mistrust and believe that God is truly worthy to be believed. That perhaps even the most shame-filled, hidden areas within us might find freedom and hope in the light of this tender-hearted God. That maybe we can move out of our fears into the fulness of faith.


This is by no means an exhaustive or academic study on God’s tenderness that I offer, just a few reflections and observations on a cursory look around the Bible to see verses that might encourage when our hearts are discouraged.


A bruised reed He will not break


God’s tenderness means in our vulnerability we are safe. There are a number of passages where we can draw comfort on this, but I’ve always found Matthew 12 compelling. In the midst of several stories of Jesus providing, healing and delivering people in need, we get these verses quoted from Isaiah 42:1-4:

“Here is my servant, whom I have chosen,
     my beloved, with whom my soul is well pleased.
I will put my Spirit upon him,
     and he will proclaim justice to the gentiles.

 He will not wrangle or cry aloud,
     nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets.
He will not break a bruised reed
     or quench a smoldering wick
     until he brings justice to victory.
 And in his name the gentiles will hope.”

 

He will not break a bruised reed. He will not step into the state of our souls with size 9s that give no heed to where we are bruised or hurting. Our God is not a god of rough religion. He cares about what is right, what is just. He needs not yell or scream to be heard. Indeed this verse is quoted right when Jesus advises the crowds not to share widely what they’ve seen. The work of the Spirit will blow where it will and things grow when the time is right. Jesus did not need to force the work God had entrusted to Him. He was in step and led by the Spirit. Not by the strength of humankind...


He embraces children – and we are to be like them!

In Matthew 19:13-15 the disciples try and keep the children away from Jesus, yet he invites them in. “Let the children come to me, and do not stop them, for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs” says Jesus. (And yet how often have I heard or seen people act differently than this and complain about children being in church!) He invites them to come to him and he embraces them. His tenderness means He is a safe and welcoming embrace for least among us.


Yet Jesus goes further than that. Because the backstory is found in Matthew 18:1-5, where He made it clear: to enter the kingdom of God, you and I need to become like children (and to welcome children in turn). The disciples wanted to know how to be the greatest, the holiest, the most righteous. Jesus says: be the most vulnerable, dependent, and insignificant. 


But then in v.6-7 Jesus offers this stern warning: 


“If any of you cause one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of things that cause sin! Such things are bound to come, but woe to the one through whom they come!”


This is much like God’s words in Leviticus 19:14: “You shall not revile the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind; you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.” This verse comes in the middle of a description of how the holy people of God are to act with impartiality and integrity for one’s neighbour as well as extra consideration and care for those in poverty or the immigrant, being mindful of their needs. 


God in His tenderness cares for the vulnerabilities of His people, those seen and unseen needs. To come into His kingdom, we do so in our vulnerability and needy state, like a child. But woe to the one who claims to this tender name of Christ yet causes such a person to stumble and sin. That is anathema to God’s love.

“Neither do I condemn you”


John 8 tells the famous story of Jesus and the woman caught “in the very act” of adultery and dragged out before Jesus. Jesus’ words cause all her accusers to depart. And then neither does Jesus condemn (though he makes it clear it’s time for a change). Romans 8:1 also clearly reminds us: “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”


But when it comes to God’s tenderness in relation to forgiveness and freedom, this verse summed it up for me:

“With my mouth I will give great thanks to the Lord;
     I will praise him in the midst of the throng.

For he stands at the right hand of the needy,
     to save them from those who would condemn them to death.”

(Psalm 109:31)


Perhaps it’s accusers that stand before us like the Jewish leaders stood before the woman in John 8. Perhaps it’s the accuser within that says we are stupid or foolish or shameful or a mistake or unworthy or hateful.


To draw from the Apocrypha for a moment, Wisdom 12:15 says this of God:

"You are righteous, and you rule all things righteously,
deeming it alien to your power
to condemn anyone who does not deserve to be punished."


Yet how much more we have through the One who took our punishment! Those who don’t deserve it aren’t condemned. And through Christ even those who do deserve it aren’t condemned.


To wrap up


1 John 3 is well worth a read on this topic. As we seek to grow and go forward in this tender love of God, we learn God can be trusted. Where our hearts aren’t quite there yet and still condemn us – we learn that God is greater than such accusations (v.20). And where our hearts have fully learned to trust God’s tender heart and know we are not condemned, then we discover a confidence we never knew was possible.


The miracle of knowing God’s tenderness is that as we come to experience and know it for ourselves, what happens is not that we become weak and liable to abuse. No! What happens is we become exactly who He made us to be—people who can truly share His love with others. He turns our hearts of stone into hearts of flesh. Hearts that can love just as He loves us.  


***






Photo credits:

Bird & Reeds by . philographism on Unsplash

Three girls by Muhammad-taha Ibrahim on Unsplash


By Suse McBay March 17, 2026
Are you 100% sure about that? Last December, Stephen and I headed for Prague for a few days. We were looking forward to Christmas markets, mulled wine, and shopping. Because we had booked a really early flight, we decided to stay in an airport hotel the night before. We hadn’t banked on one thing though: how to get from the bus station at Heathrow to the hotel. We could see our destination towering ahead of us as we exited the coach, but there was no reliable way to get there on foot. Much like Houston, navigating the surface roads of Heathrow is much easier for those in a car. So, we asked for directions from one of the airport staff. She pointed us over to two elevators, sat right next to each other. One had a line of at least twenty people. The other one had none. Those at the front of the queue hadn’t even pressed the button. That seemed strange and indicated that perhaps the people in line didn’t know what they were doing—or weren’t used to London airports. But why was one line so long and the other non-existent? The signs above weren’t exactly clear, but here were two lifts side-by-side, surely they went to the same place? Towards the back of the line was a middle-aged man, surrounded by luggage and family, who realised what we were trying to puzzle out. “Nah, you can’t use it. The other lift doesn’t go down. Doesn’t go to the same place,” he told us. We looked at him quizzically. “Are you sure?” we asked. “ One hundred percent , mate. One hundred percent.” The certainty with which he declared his answer was persuasive. He crowed like he was the CEO of the airport. That lift would not go where the other one was going. He repeated himself again. 100%. Only, he was wrong. We risked looking like fools. We walked to the vacant elevator, hit the button, and—lo and behold!—an elevator appeared that went to the exact same location as the other. The middle-aged man surrounded by luggage was 100%... in the wrong. Utterly and completely. *** Words, words, words, but no wisdom I don’t personally know the man who so-confidently revealed his wrongness. I’ve no idea whether his bluster was out of character from his usual self. But in the moment of our encounter, he acted every bit the ‘fool’ we find in Book of Proverbs: "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing personal opinion." (Proverbs 18:2) There is much wisdom in Proverbs 17:28: Even fools who keep silent are considered wise; when they close their lips, they are deemed intelligent. It seems to me that we live in a world saturated with words, whether written or spoken. There’s an ever-growing number of websites, social media platforms, podcasts, and so on. Even more so now with AI. Yet for all this verbal abundance, there does not seem to be any more wisdom than there used to be. I would argue with AI, there seems to be less (or perhaps it’s simply exposing our foolishness). Part of me wonders about the virtue of writing a blog, when these are so often half-thoughts, explorations, and ideas: am I just adding to the plethora of opinions that exist on the blogosphere? Last year, I was teaching on how to plan and lead funerals with our final year ordinands. I spoke with confidence about what works and what doesn’t. What the role of the cleric is, how to work with the grieving family, how to craft the sermon, what to do afterwards etc. It felt good to be able to give real, lived experience having worked in a church for a decade. But it was only during the Q&A when I realized something. I realized my confidence was borne of a very specific context: I ministered in a large, Episcopal church in Houston, Texas. Not a small parish church, somewhere remote in England. Did the wisdom and experience I bring still have value in the Church of England, where the Church is an established one? Where those who minister do among many people who don’t dare to cross the threshold of a religious building except in such moments of life and death? Now I happen to think it does; but only with some qualification. For what I realized in that moment is that it’s not quite as readily transferable as I’d assumed. Church cultures are different. Expectations are different. How people respond and react to their local vicar is different! What works in one scenario doesn’t necessarily work in another. Consider Proverbs 26:4-5: 4 Do not answer fools according to their folly, or you will be a fool yourself. 5 Answer fools according to their folly, or they will be wise in their own eyes. Proverbs 26 has a seeming contradiction that speaks to the importance of context. In the situation where you’re faced with someone spouting foolishness, what should you do? Speak or not speak? Engage or not engage? The modern equivalent to v.4 might be to say to yourself “not my monkeys, not my circus” and walk away. But what about the times when it is your circus? When they are your monkeys? What about when to walk away is to leave someone blind to their mistakes and doomed to make more? What if responding might feasibly help someone see beyond their own blinkers and make a different choice? Sometimes v.4 might be the path of wisdom. Other times it’s v.5. But it’s not always apparent which is which. Overconfidence is not just dangerous for making us look like fools or giving bad advice. If we stay in our certitude, we miss the heart of the issue revealed in these two verses: we need wisdom. So where do we find it? *** Does ‘wisdom come with age’? I’ve heard it said that ‘wisdom comes with age’. Ironically enough, this line was used when I was in something of a disagreement with someone much older than me. But claiming moral high ground or superior understanding on the basis of some unalterable characteristic that you have but I don’t, is more indicative of pride than wisdom. If age does come with wisdom, there would be no conflict or disagreement within the human species as we age. If age is the sole arbiter, we should collectively do better as the wrinkles and grey hairs multiply. Yet that’s not what happens. Wisdom, sadly, is not inevitable. It can come with age because of one very simple reality: the more time you’ve had on the planet means you’ve had more opportunity to become wise. Now whether or not you’ve taken those opportunities is quite a different thing! *** Wisdom: a gift that needs seeking Proverbs has an interestingly balanced view of wisdom. It is (1) something that requires active seeking, yet also (2) something which only God can give. Proverbs 2:1-4 talks about the need to exert effort in acquisition of wisdom. It’s not something that just lands on our laps: it asks you to be open to learning and sitting with what you receive (v.1), deliberate and intentional in putting your body in a space to grow in it (v.2), and vocal in your search for it (v.3). In other words: humble, open, and hungry. This passage concludes by likening it to searching for silver or hidden treasure (v.4). Think about that for a moment: do you search for wisdom in the same way you seek out growth in income or asset? From a human wisdom point of view, seeking financial gain for our security and future as we age (and our children grow and go off to college etc) makes good sense. But what if we were to seek wisdom with the very same fervour? What if wisdom had the same significance for our spiritual security and future? What if it is important to our growth in the Christian life and readiness for what may come our way? It’s a gift that needs seeking. But Proverbs tells us it is also a gift that is given. Verse 6 reveals “ the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding .” Our seeking is not the whole picture. Longing for wisdom does not mean we get it. Wisdom is God’s domain not ours. Proverbs 8 illustrates that God’s Wisdom is not something to acquire or harvest. It is not a commodity to be doled out. It is not a consumer good. Wisdom was present when God made the world. Wisdom is a part of God’s self that chooses when to be imparted and when not to be (compare 1:28; 8:17; 9:5, 16) The very fabric of our material world is infused with the mystery of Wisdom. Insight and understanding comes from God and helps us to navigate the complexity of our lives, but this gift is just a glimpse of a much greater reality of the divine Wisdom which exists eternally. This, perhaps, brings us back to where I started. True wisdom is never found in loud proclamations of “one hundred percent!”. Why? Because the one who is wise recognises they have a lot to learn. They know that new information can shift and reframe yesterday’s certainty. Maybe the first step is to stop claiming absolute certainty—to stop the all-or-nothing thinking. Maybe we start with recognising what Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 13: we only see in part, know in part, understand in part. And from there, we begin actively seeking that gift which only God—from His Wisdom—can give. Wisdom has built her house, she has hewn her seven pillars. 2 She has slaughtered her animals, she has mixed her wine, she has also set her table. 3 She has sent out her servant-girls, she calls from the highest places in the town, 4 "You that are simple, turn in here!" To those without sense she says, 5 "Come, eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed. 6 Lay aside immaturity, and live, and walk in the way of insight." Proverbs 9:1-6 ****** Photo © Copyright Derek Harper and licensed for reuse under a cc-by-sa/2.0 Creative Commons Licence.
By Suse McBay February 13, 2026
What do we do on days when God seems entirely absent? Some thoughts about where I see that in my life today and, looking back, recognising how much has changed.

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